I thought the sight of you would calm my heart
cause me to melt a little and remember
that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way
but instead it made me
hurt
more than ever
sure i did melt when i saw your face and you quickly kissed me
all i wanted to do was stay in that moment
when i saw your face in the crowd
nothing else mattered
.
not that you were late
or that you had other things on your mind
that you never seem to answer me
that i feel obnoxious and needy
because i want
to hear about what made you day
what little thing happened to catch your eye and hold you attention
when I could not
but all i get instead is silence
and it hurts hearing myself echo in that space
.
We walked off together and all i wanted to do
was to grab your hand and never let go
but your hands full and wouldn’t let me help you with the load
so i walked beside you
i never said it (i don’t know why)
but you looked good today
you wore that shirt we bought together
i don’t know if it was on purpose or not
but it made me smile all the same
.
while we talked and you ate
you kept looking at your phone
waiting for them to reach out to you
and drag you back into the life you once had
couldn’t you have just enjoyed your time with me
instead
i don’t know if you realized
how long it takes to get to you
how i don’t have the money to visit you
but i still came
but for you it didn’t matter
you were just excited for them
and your reuion
they even came early
just for you it seemed
so we parted ways
after a quick kiss
and it was all over
.
i should have run back
screamed your name
told you all you mean to me
and
never let you go
.
but i didn’t
.
I steeled myself instead
kept walking
told myself to stay strong
not to cry
but it hurt
ever step
a kick to the ribs
a reminder
that i don’t know
when/if i’ll see you again
.
it hurts
-i hurt-
so badly
.
i don’t know if it hurts you
but i hope it does
i hope it nags inside your head
whispering to you while you sleep
of long lost nights
and memories
calling you back to them
to me
.
i just want you back
i want your time
your attention
your love
i want your face beside mine when i wake up
i want your sleepy good morning kisses on my nose
i want your arms around me at night
i want all of you inside of me
i want you to hold me tight
